Who is this Scary Woman?

Baby, I know I haven't been the most understanding these couple of weeks.

Actually I intended to blog only after I've seen your blog post. But it's not coming, and I can't wait any longer. I decided to blog because I can't bear to make you go through the agony of listening to me over and over again. I know you get scared whenever I say that I have something to tell you. I'm scared whenever you sound so stress. I fear that I'm pissing you off, I'm annoying you, and one day you'll love me no more.

I really don't know why I'm behaving this way. I can't seem to adjust to the fact that you're coming out of army and getting into University. The vibrant world out there again - the friends, the new stage in life, the new stage in our relationship - it's all making me so worried.

I know I can't stop you from meeting new friends, having your own group of friends, but it's making me feel so unsecured! I don't know why, but it's just making me feel like you'll spend less time with me, your attention is no longer on me alone. I know I can't demand your everything, but to me, you're already my everything. I really don't know what to do without you.

These days, jealousy has already tainted my sense and reason. I can't think properly any more. Whenever I don't meet you, I just feel as though I need to know where you are, what you are doing and who you are with. It just makes me seem so controlling. I just can't stop myself from sending you SMSes to ask about you. Even if I managed to fight of the thought, I will feel so lost! I don't know what to do, I just stare into space. I don't know why, but deep down it just feels so uncomfortable.

Baby always tells me not to worry, to trust you. I really want to, but I don't know why I just can't seem to convince myself! I just need assurance and reassurance over and over again.

These days, I even go into finding fault with the small, nitty-gritty details. Like how you no longer update this blog any more. Like how you haven't been wearing the necklace you bought for me. Sometimes, I don't know why but your I love you don't seem as endearing any more. It sounds like you're just saying it for the sake of saying it. I really don't know if you really mean it. It hurts, baby. I know it's hurting both you and me.

I know you're trying, baby, I am trying too, but I just can't seem to let go. You know the worrier I am.

Baby, I don't know what in the world is happening to me. Why am I behaving like this? I can't continue like this any longer. I feel as though I don't know myself any more. I don't know who is this inside me. I don't know who I am. Who am I?

It's so scary, I think I've lost myself.

Please, help me, baby!

Please, help me save myself!

=(